We’ve all been there. You’ve bought the flight. You’ve set the table. You even made a pie (yes millennials can cook). You’re ready to eat, drink, and gossip with your favorite cousins. But come every holiday season, you’re never fully ready to answer your tia’s or grandma’s questions on your love life.
I’ve been single for so long that my close family knows not to pry me about boyfriends, but every once in a while I get a “tienes novio?” from the aunt who doesn’t realize I could care less.
This question isn’t necessarily a bad thing in itself, as serious relationships (I imagine) can be cool, you know shared interests, regular sex, challenging one another, but there are 5 million reasons why many opt out of these supposed benefits, especially in their early 20’s, that older family members really struggle to understand.
This holiday season I began telling my family that I’m quitting my bogus job and going to France in January, which has led to multiple responses like, “Well, maybe you’ll meet a nice French guy and marry rich!” I sigh, smirk, sip my wine, and walk away, because frankly, I am tired. I do not want to explain my reasoning for traveling alone as a woman (which does not include meeting a man) for the 100th time, and I don’t feel like sitting through the lecture of being abducted abroad.
Sure, statements like, “marry rich” or “maybe you’ll meet someone while traveling” is all lighthearted, but it gets really old when you’re a woman who chooses to be single because you simply value your independence and know you hold the key to your happiness.
So, you’ve gotten through the small talk about your job, where you’re living, the food you’re about to eat, and you feel the question looming. You try to act like someone is calling you in the kitchen, but your concerned aunt leans in, and here it comes, “So… you know I have to ask, are you seeing anyone? Any special man in your life?”
Instead of responding to your prying aunt, grandma, cousin, or whoever, with animosity, you can just quote some of these single anthems, and hair flip into a confident solo strut while filling your plate with an I-will-never-eat-again amount of mashed potatoes.
While you’re at it, you can make these jams into a playlist and sub out Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas” this year, because I’m over it.
I’m not lonely, I’m alone
And I’m holy by my own
My cup is full up, what I got is enough
Nobody completes me, don’t mess with my stuff
“Holy” Jamila Woods
Jamila Woods is such a treasure and her HEAVN track “Holy” is the best reassurance of your powerful worth. Remember, you can recognize all you have to offer someone and not want to give it away.
Married in our twenties now where the fun in that
“Child’s Play” Drake
Honestly, just ignore the irrelevancy of the rest of lyrics from this Views track for the purposes of this argument, and just get this tattooed on your forehead. Because seriously, this sounds like no fun at all.
And baby all I need for you to know is
I’m like a bird, I’ll only fly away
I don’t know where my soul is
I don’t know where my home is
“I’m Like a Bird” Nelly Furtado
You probably remember singing this mid-2000’s jam to your younger self in the shower while Kiss FM was playing it every hour. Nelly Furtado’s hook is a timeless, simple reminder that you don’t need to explain your independent, wandering personality to anyone.
I-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t do you know what that mean
She got her own house
She got her own car
Two jobs work hard you a bad broad
Finally, some recognition. So when that “marry rich” comment comes, you can just spell how you feel like Webbie does. (Who is Webbie?) Because if it isn’t obvious enough, you don’t need to rely on a man for support, so this 2008 anthem helps break it down for your family.
Cause I’m just a girl, oh little old me
Don’t let me out of your sight
I’m just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don’t let me have any rights
“Just a Girl” No Doubt
You can strap on your “I Stand With Planned Parenthood” pin to this one. When you’re pissed off knowing you’re the only one in the family to ever call attention to the patriarchal bullshit that contributes to your smaller dating pool, sing along with this No Doubt jam. (Low key pretending it’s not Gwen Stefani singing this.)
My man is my man is your man
Heard it’s her man too
My man is my man is your man
Heard that’s her man
Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday and Friday
I just keep him satisfied through the weekend
“The Weekend” SZA
If you wanna get down with someone who’s also got their own, then do you, boo! SZA’s ode to side chicks who don’t care about being side chicks is one of the best songs of the year (cuz wait wuuuttt, women can also enjoy non-committal sex?!) Maybe don’t quote this directly to your conservative tia, but you get the idea.
Now I’m feeling how I should
Never knew single could feel this good
“Ridin’ Solo” Jason Derulo
I really have no clue what Jason Derulo is up to these days. But I do hold a vivid memory of driving around to this 2010 breakup hit with my single girlfriends in high school. Still relevant. Still bumps. So if you’re recently out of a relationship, remember, this certainly isn’t the end, enjoy yourself!
So no, I don’t want your number
No, I don’t want to give you mine and
No, I don’t want to meet you nowhere
No, I don’t want none of your time and
No, I don’t want no scrubs
“No Scrubs” TLC
And, last but not least, this classic serves as a middle finger to boys-who-should-be-men everywhere. Like why wait for him to grow up when you could be single…? Brush the scrubs off, and tell your grandma you’ve got bigger priorities.
Now, since the question is done with, sit your fine ass down, enjoy your full plate amongst loved ones, and yes, eat the dessert, it’s hibernation season. Happy Thanksgiving.